Flying fish and other oddities

I always feel guilty when I exceed the speed limit. Particularly on Sundays. And especially on Sundays when I’m driving to church. The guilt is so overbearing that I’m very much inclined to take the next exit and get myself post-haste to the nearest confessional. And I’m not even Catholic.

When I was in college in the ’80s, people started branding their cars with Ichthus insignias, giving birth to flying fish, those Christianmobiles tearing down the highway, weaving in and out of traffic. Look out! Here comes another flying fish!! We’d laugh, feeling superior because while we may or may not abide by the speed limit, at least we weren’t flying fish.

Yeah, I know. It’s the kind of logic that makes sense when you’re 19.

This is what I was thinking about this morning on the way to church behind a gray VW Beetle whose driver couldn’t decide how fast she wanted to drive. I was late because there was a line (gasp!) at McDonald’s and I’d inadvertently added miles to my drive when I missed a turn while inhaling my Egg McMuffin. This happens to me often. Not inhaling Egg McMuffins while driving. The other part.

Also the part where random thoughts cross my mind…and I actually pay attention to them.

In fact, I’m usually peacefully contemplating meandering thoughts when I’m driving (hmmm…beige car. Beige Volvo! “I drive a Volvo. A beige one.” I loved that movie!).

Or taking pictures, like this one, of my favorite Crayola color on a car! Talk about brightening a gloomy, rainy day!

Or this one of some riders taking a shortcut through the outdoor mall.


Or this one. This is what those sliding windows are made for, you know.

Not so when the girls are in the car with me, especially when we’re going to the vet. It’s more like this:

“B’Elanna, sit down.”

Oooooooowwwww! That dang dog has one BONEY shoulder. And a BIG HEAD!

“B’Elanna, sit down.”

“JoJo, leave it.”

“B’Elanna, sit down!”

Don’t I have a seatbelt that will fit her? Yes, I do. I know Mac’s will fit her. Where is it??? I think it’s in that bag with that other stuff. I knew where that was at the old place. It’s probably in box now. I need to find it. I think there are some toys in that box, too!

“Well, hi there! Fancy meeting you in the front seat. Get in the back, please. Now.”

“B’Elanna, sit down!”

Really, I have to find that seatbelt.

“Ginny, I cannot see around your big head. Move back, please.”

I’m getting them all seatbelts for Christmas.

“Okay, thanks for the kisses. Lay down, please. Good girl.”

“B’Elanna! Sit down!”

“Seriously, JoJo. Stop.”

“Thank you, Bella. Good girl.”

 Crap! I’m in the wrong lane!!! Letmeover, letmeover, letmeover, puhleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!!! Why do I always do that??

It’s no wonder I’m exhausted by the time I drop them off!

Tomorrow, this one’s going to the vet to get her pinky-toe checked. She had an infection. I don’t know! I just take them to the vet when things start to ooze.

I’m sure I’ll be getting the stink-eye as soon as she realizes where we’re going. But at least we won’t be flying fish.

I love a good non-sequitur, don’t you?

For the record:

  • I don’t have an Ichthus on the back of my car. The back of my car says “Hybrid”. You can see how this would not work.
  • I still have not purchased seatbelts for my gang, much to my chagrin.
  • I do not take pictures while driving. I take pictures while stopped at lights or stuck in traffic. Or when I’m holding up the line of folks wanting to exit the shopping center because, “That’s a HORSE! At the MALL!!”
  • Yes, in fact, I can turn just about any story into a dog story. It’s my superpower.



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2 Responses to Flying fish and other oddities

  1. Elizabeth says:

    Awwww. She looks so sleepy and happy.

    I know this conversation. When I first got the RAV4 for Atlas, I would have him ride in the far back. I figured that – without a seat belt – it might be the safest in the event of a crash. Except that he’d manage to climb over the back of the seat – and me watching and trying to stop was not safe driving At. All. I finally gave up. He still doesn’t have a seat belt, only because I don’t think I could handle the whining. And there have been times when he’d manage to climb into the front seat and – when he decided to go back again – he’d almost throw the car into reverse on the freeway. Dogs.

  2. Sherron says:

    Amen, sister! 🙂 The things we do for our dogs!

    That reminds me of the time I was driving back to Texas from Colorado. My little Prism was loaded down and the only empty space was in the front seat. I put Alex on the seat, put a pillow over the console, and put Mac in the middle. Except Mac couldn’t get comfortable and kept shifting my car into neutral as I was driving 70 mph down the highway. I finally used my noggin and put Alex in the middle and Mac on the seat. Problem solved. Sheesh!

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