I wrote this post on November 24, 2008. We had been in our new house for about seven months. Gin and Chass had just celebrated their first birthday one month earlier. (JoJo wasn’t part of our family yet.) If you’ve ever had a young dog in your home, you know what a destructive force they can be…all with big ole smiles on their faces, of course! We almost had to call in the detectives on this one. Almost.
Something died in my bedroom yesterday evening. I think it was a puppy. Its black ears are intact, but its tennis-ball body is mysteriously flat. Its fluff-filled head has seen fluffier days. Yep, I think the puppy bit the dust. Polyester fiber-fill litters my bedroom floor, damning evidence of the massacre. The culprit is still at large; the usual suspects are being held for questioning.
Phoebe: I was at home, asleep. My mom can provide my alibi. Besides, I don’t play with toys. Never have. Mom throws the toys and the girls go running after them. I don’t get it. Where’s the fun in that? No, I don’t care if the toys are lying around everywhere. They don’t bother me. I have no motive to kill any of them. As long as they don’t bother me, I don’t bother them. And you’ve seen them. They can’t bother anyone.
Katie: Puleese! I already stole the toys I want. I have no reason to kill any of them. I cuddle with mine and sometimes I bring it to Mama. That’s it. I was on the other side of the baby gate, sleeping in the laundry room. I didn’t hear or see anything.
B’Elanna: Me? Are you kidding? ME?!? Why would I do that?! Okay, so I killed the husky. And the duck. And the pig. But the puppy?! I don’t even like the ones with tennis balls in them. Not “I don’t like” in an “I’m gonna kill you” kind of way. No, NOT THAT! Just, I don’t play with them, so when would I kill them? Okay, so my DNA is on the puppy, but that’s just because I felt compelled to steal it from Ginger and roll around on it. I only wanted it because she had it. I wouldn’t play with it, otherwise. I’m telling you, I have NO motive to kill the puppy!!!
Jool: I saw the whole thing. It was one of those big dogs. The reddish-brown one. She just grabbed it and started biting and pulling. Before long, I heard a ripping sound. Then, she got all excited and started pulling the poor puppy’s innards out. It was horrible! Simultaneous ferocity and glee. Frightening! I’ve never seen anything like it, although I’ve seen the aftermath before when B’Elanna finished off the husky and the duck. But this was much, much worse. Arrest the red dog! Um, yes, I know they’re both red. No, her back was facing me, so I cannot positively identify which one it was. Arrest them both!!
Chassie: The puppy!!! I looooooove the puppy!!! And the frog and the gorilla and the bouncy balls and the squeaky balls and the rubber thingys and the spider and the rope-toys. I love them aaaaaaaalll!!! Kill the puppy??? Me??? Why would I kill the puppy? I don’t even know how to kill the puppy. But someone made an awful mess. When is it going to be cleaned up?
Ginger: (sheepishly) Hello, officer. Why am I here, exactly? Oh, the puppy. Yes, I saw. That was very sad. We will miss the puppy. We loved the puppy. No! Officer! Me?!! How do you…? Me?! Alibi? Um…(hangs her head) It was an accident, I swear! I didn’t mean to do it. Just…I was playing with puppy, and I heard a ripping sound. It sounded funny, so I kept chewing so I could hear the rip again. I heard a lot of rips and then a tennis ball rolled out. I thought it was a present! I got so excited and I kept chewing and this white, fluffy stuff got stuck to my tongue and felt so funny. I couldn’t stop myself. Officer! I tell you, it was addictive. I was overcome! I just couldn’t stop… Puppy will be fine, right? Right?